John Sico

nedhepburn:

VESPER: So, James. They’re reporting that the James Bond franchise is on hold due to MGM’s financial bailout. JAMES: Yes. Quite.VESPER: Bloody recession.JAMES: Indeed.VESPER: Did you ever see ‘The Dreamers’? JAMES: Is that a version of baccarat I haven’t played? VESPER: Um, no. It’s a film, James. JAMES: I don’t watch films.VESPER: Nevermind. JAMES: …VESPER: Do you think Ned knows where he’s going when he writes this?JAMES: No. Bloody stoner. VESPER: But he does love James Bond. It’s the heart that counts, James. He means well.JAMES: He better not make me say “poopy”. VESPER: You just did. JAMES: Bugger and blast, Vesper. Excuse me.
James exits restaurant. There is a knock on my door.
NED: Yes?JAMES: What are you doing?NED: Attempting to write dialogue.JAMES: Is it difficult? NED: Yes. JAMES: I never thought about it that way.NED: Do you want to give it a go?JAMES: Alright. NED: Give me a second. Here. Sit here.JAMES: Done.NED: Now here’s the keyboard. JAMES: Alright. NED: So just start typing.JAMES: Car car vagina.NED: Vagina car car, car? JAMES: Vagina car. Car. Vagina. Gadget.NED: Gadget!JAMES: Gadget. Gadget Vagina.NED: Vagina gadget car breasts?JAMES: Breasts. Car-Vagina. Gadget. NED: Well now we all know what would happen if you wrote all the dialogue, James. JAMES: It might seem very clever to you to be all meta, Mister Hepburn. But I assure you - NED: See? You didn’t say vagina ONCE just then. JAMES: I’m going to go back and bang Eva Green while you sit here in your sweatpants and type out imaginary conversations eating cranberry sauce straight out the jar.NED: Point taken. JAMES: Quite.
James exits, reenters restaurant and sits across from Vesper.
VESPER: Everything alright, James?JAMES: Yes, Vesper. It appears that SPECTRE is at it again. Something something bomb-in-a-vagina.VESPER: Excuse me?JAMES: I am going to kill Ned Hepburn.VESPER: Well, until they make another movie he’s the only hope we have.JAMES: Exactly.
JAMES BOND WILL RETURN IN ‘THE SPY WHO BLOGGED ME’.

VESPER: So, James. They’re reporting that the James Bond franchise is on hold due to MGM’s financial bailout.
JAMES: Yes. Quite.
VESPER: Bloody recession.
JAMES: Indeed.
VESPER: Did you ever see ‘The Dreamers’?
JAMES: Is that a version of baccarat I haven’t played?
VESPER: Um, no. It’s a film, James.
JAMES: I don’t watch films.
VESPER: Nevermind.
JAMES: …
VESPER: Do you think Ned knows where he’s going when he writes this?
JAMES: No. Bloody stoner.
VESPER: But he does love James Bond. It’s the heart that counts, James. He means well.
JAMES: He better not make me say “poopy”.
VESPER: You just did.
JAMES: Bugger and blast, Vesper. Excuse me.

James exits restaurant. There is a knock on my door.

NED: Yes?
JAMES: What are you doing?
NED: Attempting to write dialogue.
JAMES: Is it difficult?
NED: Yes.
JAMES: I never thought about it that way.
NED: Do you want to give it a go?
JAMES: Alright.
NED: Give me a second. Here. Sit here.
JAMES: Done.
NED: Now here’s the keyboard.
JAMES: Alright.
NED: So just start typing.
JAMES: Car car vagina.
NED: Vagina car car, car?
JAMES: Vagina car. Car. Vagina. Gadget.
NED: Gadget!
JAMES: Gadget. Gadget Vagina.
NED: Vagina gadget car breasts?
JAMES: Breasts. Car-Vagina. Gadget.
NED: Well now we all know what would happen if you wrote all the dialogue, James.
JAMES: It might seem very clever to you to be all meta, Mister Hepburn. But I assure you -
NED: See? You didn’t say vagina ONCE just then.
JAMES: I’m going to go back and bang Eva Green while you sit here in your sweatpants and type out imaginary conversations eating cranberry sauce straight out the jar.
NED: Point taken.
JAMES: Quite.

James exits, reenters restaurant and sits across from Vesper.

VESPER: Everything alright, James?
JAMES: Yes, Vesper. It appears that SPECTRE is at it again. Something something bomb-in-a-vagina.
VESPER: Excuse me?
JAMES: I am going to kill Ned Hepburn.
VESPER: Well, until they make another movie he’s the only hope we have.
JAMES: Exactly.

JAMES BOND WILL RETURN IN ‘THE SPY WHO BLOGGED ME’.